Setting: Expensive Dallas Hair Salon – Shampoo Room
Myrtle – shampoo lady
Lottie – shampoo lady
Me – customer with dark roots
Ms. Bettye – customer with gray roots
Myrtle: How’re you today honey?
Me: I’m good. How are you?
Myrtle: Thanking the good Lord to be alive.
Lottie: She’s crazy as ever.
Myrtle: Lottie you hush your mouth. Baby, you just sit right back and let Ms. Myrtle take good care of your hair.
shampoo ladies chatting during my shampoo….
Myrtle: Margarita lost that baby bless her heart.
Lottie: Oh girl no she didn’t!
Myrtle: Um-hm. Been bleedin’ all night.
Lottie: Bless her heart but she done got seven chil’ren.
Myrtle: Lord’s way of telling her.
Lottie: Poor chile.
glancing to door…
Myrtle: You mean to tell me Joe’s done fell again?
Lottie: Oh lordy mercy I guess so.
Myrtle: That poor man.
Myrtle: Joe you done fell again?
Joe: Yup, using my old cane.
Together: Well bless your heart.
to Ms. Bettye being shampooed next to me….
Lottie: Ms. Bettye I looooove that necklace. What’s that stone?
Ms. Bettye: Oh Lottie, I don’t remember. I’ve had it for prob’ly forty years.
Lottie: Myrtle, you see this necklace?
Myrtle: (Myrtle drowning my head to look.) That is very beautiful Ms. Bettye.
Lottie: You driving again Ms. Bettye?
Ms. Bettye: Oh no, my friend drove me. We’ve been friends for forty years.
Lottie: Isn’t that nice.
Myrtle: Ms.Bettye, did you know Joe done fell again?
Ms. Bettye: Oh no. Bless his heart.
to each other during my rinse….
Lottie: You know Hector done turned gay.
Myrtle: No! How you know?
Lottie: Margarita tole me.
Myrtle: ‘fore she lost that baby?
Lottie: Yes ma’am. His wife done throw’d him out.
Myrtle: Lawsy what’s wrong with him?
Lottie: Don’t know. She said one day he was fine and the next day he turned gay right after work.
Myrtle: What’s this world comin’ to?
Myrtle: Bless her heart.
Me: Coughing. Gagging.
wrapping up my wet head in a towel…
Myrtle: There you go honey. You all done now.
Me: Thank you. Myrtle, you know people don’t just turn gay. Right?
Silence. Pin dropping silence.
Me: Seriously. People don’t turn gay. It’s genetic. You either are or you aren’t.
Myrtle and Lottie exchange quick knowing looks.
Best friends and co-workers for fifty years, they share the same thoughts.
They have one mind.
Lottie: Honey chile’ I think Myrtle done got water up in your head.
Myrtle: What’s this world coming to?
Myrtle: Bless your heart.
Laughing. Hysterical laughter. At me.
Grace Grits and Gardening
They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Napoleon XIV
Homer Simpson to Bart: He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?