Setting: Expensive Dallas Hair Salon – Shampoo Room
Characters:ย
Myrtle โ shampoo lady
Lottie โ shampoo lady
Me – customer with dark roots
Ms. Bettye โ customer with gray roots
Myrtle: ย How’re you today honey?
Me: ย Iโm good. How are you?
Myrtle: Thanking the good Lord to be alive.
Lottie: Sheโs crazy as ever.
Myrtle: Lottie you hush your mouth. Baby, you just sit right back and let Ms. Myrtle take good care of your hair.
Me: Ok.
shampoo ladies chatting during my shampooโฆ.
Myrtle: Margarita lost that baby bless her heart.
Lottie: Oh girl no she didnโt!
Myrtle: Um-hm. Been bleedinโ all night.
Lottie: Bless her heart but she done got seven chilโren.
Myrtle: Lordโs way of telling her.
Lottie: Poor chile.
Myrtle: Um-hm.
glancing to doorโฆ
Myrtle: You mean to tell me Joeโs done fell again?
Lottie: Oh lordy mercy I guess so.
Myrtle: That poor man.
Lottie: Um-hm.
Myrtle: Joe you done fell again?
Joe: Yup, using my old cane.
Together: Well bless your heart.
to Ms. Bettye being shampooed next to meโฆ.
Lottie: Ms. Bettye I looooove that necklace. Whatโs that stone?
Ms. Bettye: Oh Lottie, I donโt remember. Iโve had it for probโly forty years.
Lottie: Myrtle, you see this necklace?
Myrtle: (Myrtle drowning my head to look.) That is very beautiful Ms. Bettye.
Lottie: You driving again Ms. Bettye?
Ms. Bettye: Oh no, my friend drove me. Weโve been friends for forty years.
Lottie: Isnโt that nice.
Myrtle: Ms.Bettye, did you know Joe done fell again?
Ms. Bettye: Oh no. Bless his heart.
to each other during my rinseโฆ.
Lottie: You know Hector done turned gay.
Myrtle: No! How you know?
Lottie: Margarita tole me.
Myrtle: โfore she lost that baby?
Lottie: Yes maโam. His wife done throw’d him out.
Myrtle: Lawsy whatโs wrong with him?
Lottie: Donโt know. She said one day he was fine and the next day he turned gay right after work.
Myrtle: Whatโs this world cominโ to?
Lottie: Sinful.
Myrtle: Bless her heart.
Me: Coughing. Gagging.
wrapping up my wet head in a towelโฆ
Myrtle: There you go honey. You all done now.
Me: Thank you. Myrtle, you know people donโt just turnย gay. Right?
Silence. Pin dropping silence.
Me: Seriously. People don’t turn gay.ย It’s genetic. You either are or you aren’t.
Myrtle and Lottie exchange quick knowing looks.
Best friends and co-workers for fifty years, they share the same thoughts.
They have one mind.
Lottie: Honey chileโ I think Myrtle done got water up in your head.
Myrtle: Whatโs this world coming to?
Lottie: Sinful.
Myrtle: Bless your heart.
Laughing. Hysterical laughter. At me.
Grace Grits and Gardening
Musical Pairings:
They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Napoleon XIV
Homer Simpson to Bart: He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?
Anonymous says
Doctor Suess must have had a life like this, I thought I had the weirdest experiences ever but you win! Love it!
Debby Rogers says
Hysterical!
Colene says
What will you come up with next? This is great! Keep it coming! We love you even if you have water in your head! Ha
Colene says
From Tom, “Bless your heart!!!!”
Ginger says
Hahaha!
I love you!
Kaa says
I think the deeper into the south you get, the smaller hearts must get, because around here, it’s “Bless her little heart!”
TimH says
HAHA!!!…Bless yo lil’ ol’ hot, honeychile!…haha…This was Awesomely Funny!…And by the way, the only gay gene I’ve ever heard of…was a guy named Gene, and he was gay!…LOL!!!
Kelsey Erickson says
Oh Lordy… Beauty salons (or beauty operators depending on one’s geography) are always full of crazy experiences, but this one might take the cake!